Everyone wants to know they aren't alone....

Do the feelings and hurt ever leave? It seems like they just get stronger the more you fight it. How does everyone do it? It seems like you are the last one standing and you are the biggest moron alive and everyone is pointing and laughing. Awwww such a great feeling!! The feelings are just so built up inside....frustration, anger, hurt, confusion, love, hope, charity. How do I straighten all of these feelings out. I of course don't want to feel the bad feelings but the good ones really can't be felt either. This is why it's so tough and nobody truly understands. Am I a fool for ever caring or letting myself possibly think it could ever be...Maybe so. I too easily let myself care for people and give them my whole heart for them to stomp on and crush. In all the crazy jumbled thoughts that go through my head I think to myself that I have to stop caring so easily for people, but really is that such a bad thing that I want to be there for someone and do anything for them and share every moment, laugh and thought with them?
I was told by a good friend that we are human we need someone to care for and be with. We are not meant to be alone! Why is then that so many choose to be and are okay with it....really I don't get it and don't know if I ever will. I do feel alone regardless of all the friends and family that are incredible......something is still missing.

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?” -unknown author

I hope these feelings will forever be with me...

So this last week has been a tough one. I have just had many things going on and a lot of over time at a crazy job and not a whole lot of down time to just feel the spirit. I have been one emotional person. haha!! I hate that....when the dumbest things make you cry like a big boob and you try so hard not to cry in front of any one but this weekend I couldn't hide it any longer. All week long I new I had general conference to look forward to. It definitely is what I needed!! I for once stayed awake for every single talk. I even watched the shows in between the sessions. One in particular really got me. It was about Panama and the new temple. The people there are so humble and so kind. It made me realize how much I really have and how easy I have it. It was amazing the strong testimonies and spirit I felt watching this. I want to be like them and take advantage of having the temple and being surrounded by the gospel every day. It also made me realize how money and the worldly possessions really don't matter. They have so little but to them they have everything in knowing our savior Jesus Christ and the plan he has for them. I want to strive to be like those people. I would love to be able to go to Panama. I added it to places to visit as just watching this two hour interview with them made me love Panama and the people!!

I also was very touched by our prophet Thomas Monsen today in the morning session. He talked about change and looking to the future. We need to be there for those friends and loved ones because at anytime they might be gone. I know I am definitely guilty of taking those I care about for granted. I want to serve them and I mostly want them to know that I love them so much even if I don't always show it. I am really glad that conference was this week...I really needed it! I know that the harder I try to become more like my savior the harder Satan works on me and puts a lot of negative thoughts in my head about myself and worries about how others might view me and that is why this last week has been a real challenge for me. I am grateful for all those who listen and care about me and help me become a better person!